Secrets for Christmas Cookis Baking....

You know I love women.

I do my best to be better than I truly am when I am in their presence.....

But I don't know if I will ever understand them.

Girls are so different than boys, they seem to live their lives in cycles, while boys just methodically embrace routine.

Have I mentioned that Sue McGleno is a raccoon?

I kid you not, each year around this time my wife loses complete focus. Its as if she is hypnotized.

Dangle a shiny object in front of her face in December, and she'll ditch me quicker than if Derek Jeter asked her to prom.

Women also do other things I don't understand.....

When they go shopping for clothing, not only do they touch the garments that they are interested, but they also touch every other textile hanging from the rack.

If a man asks a woman why she partakes in such behavior....the question is usually answered with an icy stare.

Then there's aisle #8 at Super Target, any woman that I've ever accompanied to that store falls victim to their impulse items.

Tic-Tacs, 5 Hour Energy, Bottle of Dasani, People Magizine, Gift cards.

They always buy 2 or 3 of these, but once again, they seem compulsed to touch them all.

So anyway, its a couple nights back and Sue McGleno is twisting one of a thousand strings of lights around the silver Christmas tree, over the years I've learned once this process starts, her true desire is for me to stay out of the way.

The Christmas tree is a wifes domain, if I've learned nothing else......

So while she frolicks in joy, I sit off at a safe distance occaisionally lifting my head every once in awhile to belch out grunts of approval.

Then "BANG" my Droid goes off ruining this "special mood of intamacy" that can only be achieved when a man fakes with all of his might that he cares.

"Hello - Klecko, whats up?"

"Hi Dan, this is Dean from XXXXXXXX, do you have a few seconds to answer some cookie questions?"

Dean runs a small company in Capitol City that does lawn care, tree removal and any other type of landscaping stuff that you need.

I don't even remember how he and I hooked up, but I do remember how impressed I was the first time he and I strolled across my yard inspecting different future projects.

Dude knew every flower,shrub, plant and tree on the lot.

The part that impressed me the most was how he knew the Latin name of each species, and when he rattled them off, you just had to be there, dude wasn't trying to impress.

He simply is a shrub geek, and I kinda dig that.

Anyways, a couple of years ago he came out to the Minnesota State Fair and watched me doing a demo, and apperently I said something to the audience like.......

"And you know what the best part of baking is? It's not conquering the puzzle, and its not even sampling the wares. The best part is humbly giving a fresh baked product to somebody in need. You'll never understand the impact of this until you try it."

So Dean actually had his employees gather at his house just prior to Thanksgiving, and the lot of them banged out a bunch of pies. Dean had these guys on the clock while doing this and wrote the expenses off as a team building thingy.

He claimed that the crew whooped and hollered, but the cheers calmed down once they starting delivering they pies to clients that they thought might be in need.

Dean explained that hugs were issued, tears welled up, everybody involved were better for it, and truth be told....I think they got addicted to this feeling, because now old boy was on the other end of the phone asking questions about black strap molasses so he could make gingerbread men with the boys.

Hah......there is no greater ministry on earth than baking.

Politicians, Preachers and Punks.......if you want to have impact.....

Shut Up and Bake!

Later in the evening however, I receaved a text that the cookies were trickier than anticipated.

Wow....these guys tackled pie, but got sidetracked by gingerbread men?

I suppose, if you havent made cookies before, there are about 1682 short cuts, tips and tricks.

Cookie and ingredient technoligy is always changing as well, so with that, let me respectfully submit some helpful hints to those of you baking christmas cookies for the first time.

CHRISTMAS COOKIE TIPS -

The following is some of the baking equipment you will need -

Timer
Oven Thermometer
Wire Rack
Dry Measuring Cups (metal is best)
Wet Measuring Cups (I prefer glass)
Whisk
Spatula's
Measuring Spoons
Cookie Sheets
Parment Paper

Ingredients -

You can save some serious cash buying in bulk.

Also once you start your bake, make sure that ingredients are room temperture.

If you use nuts, roasting time depends on the size of the nut, but 350 (F) for 9-12 is a standard.

Spices should be fresh. If you are going through the trouble of having a great baking session, don't use last years spices to save a couple of bucks. spices lose their potency at a rapid pace.

Ovens -

Preheat 20 minute before baking.

Remember that most ovens fluxtuate in temperture from 25-50 degrees, so an oven thermometer is a great investment.

Open the door as little as possible, if you have a light bulb in the oven.....utilize that, everytime you open that door...heats flys out.

Use the middle rack if possible. You will get your best heat there. However, if you have a ton of cookies to get through, place 2 pans in, but make sure at the 1/2 point that you rotate the pans, but be swift.....you don't want to let the heat out.

Other Tips -

What cookie pans you use are essential.

The old school gangsta's love the thin cookie sheet with no walls, it gives the most uniformed heat, but that heat moves quick and is intense. The older I get, the more I find myself kicking it with the new school, I'm using thicker pans and implementing 2 sheets of partment.

Either way is OK, but you'll need to get familiar with your process.

Oh yeah....if you are going to do a lot of cookies in on bake, have extra pans. It is a sin against the Cookie God's to place cookie dough on a pan that still is retaining heat from the last batch.

Good luck folks and Merry Christmas.

My Favorite Christmas Cookie Recipe

Dear Granddaughter -

It's been too long since my last letter, and I am always nervous that if I die before you get to the age where you will remember me, you won't know how much I love you.

Let me tell you real quick what the greatest things my eyes have witnessed in the world.

#5 - Mount Rushmore, I know that seems lame because its image is always on Kodak commercials, and stuff like that. But when I saw it in the flesh....I was amazed.

And furthermore, I was like 18 years old, you'll find out that from 16-20 you are typically too cool to let stuff impress you, but I just stood there and stared.

Some people marvel at God's creation, but lets face it....God is God, and if you are God and can't create cool stuff....well, what's the point?

But to think that some stupid bonehead guys spent years hanging from ropes and carving Presidential nostrils....ha ha...pretty awesome huh.

I hope you get to see it one day.

#4 The 1987 Minnesota World Series parade. You gotta understand, in 1987 I was only 24 years old. But I love baseball, always have and always will. Sometimes when I go to a ballpark and sit their quietly, I kinda feel the same way I do when I go into a huge cathedral.

I am pretty certain God loves baseball as much as little old ladies that light candles for the oppressed, well maybe not.

But in 1987 the Twin Cities had been to a World Series in the past, 1965 in fact, but they lost to the Dodgers in 7 games.

Our hometown Vikings had not only lost 4 Super Bowls, but they pretty much got pimp slapped in each one of them.

Our NHL team had been to a couple Stanley Cups and....yeah, you guessed it. We lost.

Sports are powerful, I'm not gonna lie, people won't fess up to it, but if you grew up in Minnesota, in 1987....it was like you kinda felt like a loser (to a certain degree)...always the bridesmaid huh?

But on the day we won our first championship, everything exploded. It reminded me of the time my Uncle was fighting me and my cousins in Rush lake when we were kids.

Uncle Jerry was just horsing around, but he had - had like 26 high balls.

So while he kept cousins Mike and Jack back with an oustreched left arm, he used his right leg to kick back Shelly and Steve.

While all of this was taking place, he held my puny frame between his right arm and his flabby waistline.

As the fight went into the deeper water, eventually my head was submerged.

I kicked and flailed and underwater screamed........

To no avail.

Uncle Jerry's focus could only concentrate on the larger cousins which seemed like a more immediate threat.

I actually got to the point where my oxygen had become depleted and I stopped fighting.

My body went limp.

Then, whether it was guardian angels or chance....I'll never know.

Somehow I was pulled above the water and BLAST-BANG-BOOM my lungs were on fire. I gasped so loud people 10 docks down could hear me.

I think that was the exact same thing that happened to my community when they realized that for just once, one single moment we were the best at something.

It seemed to be enough, like it validated everything that happened in our city.

Every-every-every person with a set of functional legs walked out to that victory parade caravan, and as our home town hero's drove through Mpls and St Paul in open convertables, there were cheers that civilization hadn't heard since the toppling of Rome.

Five years later.....we won the World Series again. It wasn't nearly as big of a deal.

Why?

Once a winner...always a winner kid.

#3 -

When I was a young man and working in a bakery. I had a hernia. So back in those days, they slit you open, did whatever doctors do, and pushed me out with a sewn up hernia scar.

I was laying on the couch heavily medicated and your Grandma Sue McGleno kept pumping me up with meds. I think she likes it better when Grandpa is stoned and leaves her alone.

But I remember being all drugged up and President Bush was on TV. Not George W but his old man, the first Bush Prez.

Earliar that day his wife Barbara (who was a sweet woman, but she kinda looked like she was old enough to be the Presidents mother) was sliding at some resort with her family.

She was on a long toboggan that crashed into a tree trunk.

The first lady broke her leg.

I remember my mind was floating when I watched this story being reported, but while this event seemed like just another story of the day to the press corps....I remember looking at the Presidents face.

I can't even remember what he said, but I remember this look of concern on his face. You could so tell that he didn't want to be there. He wanted to be by his wifes side.

Eventually he wrapped up and took off.

I just sat laid there all loopy, and for the next 5 minutes.....I just stared at Sue McGleno. she was in her own world and didn't even feel my eyes following her every move.

But I remember for that specific 5 minutes......how glad I was that her leg was not broken.

And then I wondered if I would one day be President...or old.

Well I am old today, and I gotta tell you, Your Grandma was pretty stunning that day.

#2 -

Whales in Hawii


#1 -

The single greatest thing I ever in a lifetime saw was the times when you were whatever it is when you are no longer a baby, but whatever it is that comes after a baby.

I would drive to Omaha, and your sluggard parents and Grandma would sleep-and sleep, and sleep some more.

So I would sneak into your little pink bedroom and hover over your bed.

It's cool watching (whatever 6 months older than a baby is...is that infant? I don't know...anyways...)little kids breath while they sleep.

The way they do it is so cool, like maybe because they are so young, they haven't learned to take something like the miracle of breath for granted.

But you would lay in your crib (and eventually your mini bed) and I would stand there for the longest time.

I was always tempted to wake you up because the coolest thing ever was the expression you'd make when you opened your eyes.

Smiles one mile long.

Never was there a kid who was happier to be alive than you.

So I woke you up....every chance I could.

Now some might say.....

"Really Klecko....you enjoyed that more than watching your own kids?"

Yeah...w/o a doubt, when I was a dad, 95% of my focus was on keeping the Monster called Earth and Humans off my kids back! LOL, I didn't invest in being my kids "friends....." as much as being their father.

But you got somebody doing that already, so now....I call dibs on being your bestest friend.

Oh yeah.....after you'd wake up, I'd have to get Grandma....and she would be mad because I woke you up, and I'd ask enthusiastically for her to change your diapers.

The modern world might say "Klecko....are you serious, couldn't you change your own granddaughters diapers?"

C'mon, lets not be creepy huh?

I love you M-Rose as much as my chihuahua !!!!!

Listed below I have for you one of my very favorite Christmas Cookies. it actually was developed by Laura Bush (George W's wife).

I could care less what your political affiliation is kid, just grow up and bake this cookie recipe it's the bomb.

Love Grandpa K

LAURA BUSH'S COWBOY CHRISTMAS COOKIES

3 cups all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 tablespoon baking soda
1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon salt
1-1/2 cups butter (at room temperature)
1-1/2 cups granulated sugar
1-1/2 cups packed light-brown sugar
3 large eggs
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
3 cups semisweet chocolate chips
3 cups old-fashioned rolled oats
2 cups sweetened flake coconut
2 cups chopped pecans

Preheat oven to 350 F. Mix flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon and salt in bowl. In 8-quart bowl, beat butter on medium speed until smooth and creamy, 1 minute. Gradually beat in sugars; beat to combine, 2 minutes. Add eggs, one at a time, beating after each. Beat in vanilla extract. Stir in flour mixture until just combined. Add chocolate chips, oats, coconut and pecans. For each cookie, drop 1/4 cup dough onto ungreased baking sheets, spacing 3 inches apart. Bake for 17 to 19 minutes, until edges are lightly browned; rotate sheets halfway through. Remove cookies from rack to cool. Makes about 3 dozen cookies.

P.S., when I've made these.....I like to add some orange zest as well.