Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Klecko Fantasies

Over the years I have met many people who took time to reflect on their lives, and expressed desires to take on different pursuits of interest. With me.... I've always been happy if I had a dog, girlfriend and a job.

As my career began to flourish, I realized how fortunate I was to have obtained a level of status, but then I started meeting people like judges, lawyers, doctors and priests that took the time to share their secret ambitions with me.

I was surprised to find out that a lot of these people wanted to be poets, opera singers or some have even mentioned they wanted to be proficient bakers.

If you asked me one month ago I might have said that I would be content staying where I am, but after thinking about it, nah!

If Danny Klecko was 18 today, I think he would join the Navy and sail the seven seas. How cool would it be to storm exotic ports and live such a life of intrigue?

A merchant marine might be cool as well, all I'm saying is I think I want to be at sea and go Moby Dick on the world, but not as a spectator, not for a vacation.....I'd want to be a salt dog that navigated by the stars.

I'd want to be able to guide a bunch of whiny pirates back to civilization like Captain Bly did in the Bounty (Brando's version is the best).

Going old school is really the way to go isn't it? who wants to live in the future? I don't, if you are 1/2 way smart, you can see the writing on the wall. The future is boring, the future sucks LOL, there is just no romance in technology.

With all that going through my mind, and all that said, my pastry chef Debora Gilson told me that we were going to attach a theme to our next Retail sale. We haven't done that for the last couple of months, and our numbers were down a bit.

In the past we've had British, Australian, German, themes, but this month she said....."We're going to go Amish!"

I love it, who doesn't like the Amish huh? I've seen a few of them over the years, and usually they've kinda been jerks to me, but I still liked them because their uniforms are cool, and their girlio's.....c'mon! Amish chicks got their own special vibe,just saying.

But, then my kid decided to go to college in the middle of a corn field (literally) in Iowa, and every time I have picked him up or dropped him off, I've had to pass a slew of Amish buggy's.

When you pass an Amish buggy, I think it is pretty standard to gawk at them, and because of that, they seem to wear a morose mask at all times.

I saw that movie the Witness and remember how pissed off Kelly McGillis's dad, or grandfather used to get?

"Don'tcha go talking to the English now!"

I thought the movie would have played out a lot better had Harrison Ford dropped all the cop stuff and they just focused on a red blooded American boy falling hard for an Amish babe! That's the plot line, like American Gothic fusing with Romeo and Juliet right?

But people are stupid, every concept seems to need to be punctuated with a cop scene or car chase if it's going to sell in Hollywood.

But anyway....the last time I dropped off my kid, it was the day after New Years, my bell was still ringing cuz me and Sue McGleno were jet setting with all the pretty peeps that weekend right?

My son is like most 19 year olds, he loves his dad, but just not enough to keep him company as they drive cross country. The little freak plugs in his I Pod, passes out and wakes up 10 minutes before we pull up on campus (this gives him just enough time to criticize my driving.)

So as I trudged across south eastrn Minnesota, I passed dozens of buggy's, all of them gave me that "Amish Glance" which is a lot like the Sue McGleno stare (see Conflict on Aisle 8...A Super Target Tragedy - posted yesterday)

After the kid got out, I made my way back to the old main drag, while I searched up and down the dial to pick up reception for the Vikings game, another buggy came my way.

The second my eyes caught the drivers, dude gave me a vigorous wave. I couldn't believe it. It was awesome. I felt like I had just completed the last level of Mike Tyson's "Punch Out."

When the buggy finally fell off my rear view, I pulled over and updated my Facebook status with KLECKO JUST COPPED A WAVE OFF AN AMISH BUGGY GUY.

I think the responses on that thread went 30 or 40 deep.

Everybody seems to have an opinion on the Amish don't they?

And of course....anytime you mention the Amish, all the Mennonites will start crawling out of the woodwork, but c'mon - poser please. Klecko won't settle for a chick in a blue cape, it's gotta be black!

With that said, Gilson and I are busy preparing our Amish Tribute baking menu. If you kids have some thoughts.....shout at the Pollack.


  1. the Scottish corner formally requests Scot-themed bread. Our women are hairy and snaggletoothed, yes. But our baked goods are delish.

  2. will happen this year!!!! Great request.