Wednesday, November 2, 2011

The "Lifetime" Channal & Zombie Cookies

When a couple (or a single parent for that matter) becomes an "Empty Nester", its only natural that new habits or trends will take place in a household.

Since my last kid left 1 1/2 years ago, the 2 biggest changes have been that Sue McGleno and I have been hitting the gym, and my little love bug has taken up some new TV watching rituals.

She will deny it if you ask her, but Sue McGleno adores the movies on the Lifetime Network...LOL.

If you've never had the chance to view this high brow entertainment, well.....maybe you're the better for it.

Every single movie is basically the same, they all feature a woman who was in a really good place in life, but then out of nowhere.....their child is kidnapped, or their husband is having an affair with a Nun, and when the Cardinal finds out....the husband kills him and then Jesuit assasians come after the wife.

Just last week Sue McGleno watched one called "Girl Fight" where Ann Heche played the mother of a daughter who called this one girl a slut, and then the "slut" girl got her friends together, and they beat up Ann Heche's daughter and posted it on the web to get street cred.

The video went viral. When Heche watched it on You Tube....she vomited in the toilet.

Oh Yeah....then there was "17 and Accused" about a girl whose mom wouldn't let her daughter Amy go to some party, so while Amy ate lobster with her mom and step dad to be (remember...everybody is divorced or widowed on the Lifetime Channel)some skank at a party had "relations" with Amy's boyfriend in the bathroom.

When Amy found out (and you better believe EVERY infidelity surfaces on the Lifetime Channel) she left a voicemail on the skanks cell phone that she was going to do her in.

So then Amys friends call the skank, invite her to a party at a frat house with cute boys, but instead....they drive her 20 miles from their house to a canyon and Amy meets her there.

Amy and ths skank fight, the skank gets knocked down, and Amy pulls away in her car leaving said skank alone with Amys 2 best friends.

So the skank is pissed, gets up, and throws a rock that hits friend #2 square, right between the shoulder blades.

In a rage, Friend #2 turns around and crushes the skanks skull with the same rock.

As the episode goes on, and Amy gets framed for the murder, Friend #1 tells her what Friend #2 did, but before she has a chance to turn states evidence.....Friend #2 steals Friend #1's asthma inhaler and Friend #1 ends up dead....poolside.

Lifetime Channel movies never end unhappy though, Sue McGleno and the billion other addicts who watch this wonderment simply wouldn't stand for it.

In this case, they get Amy out of jail and when she pulls up in front of her house, the stepdad (who Amy hated) said.........

"I'll bet you have to be hungry, what say we go out and get you the largest, greasiest cheeseburger in town?"

And then they clung to each other and cried.

Sue McGleno cried as well.

The one thing about these movies I don't agree with though, is that they always make the man look stupid. He always doles out doltish advice that was never asked for.

I don't buy it.

a real man doesn't operate that way.

I spent many years in a house with my little KiKi and we traveled through every life phase together, more often than not....if I didn't know what to do...I kept my mouth shut.

All dads and daughters go through "stuff".

They comprise God's most unlikely tandem.

There is no logical reason that these 2 entities should connect, but when they do.....there is nothing greater.

I remember when my little girl was 5 weeks away from leaving for college, her and I sat in the living room with our 3 dogs.

The fam had been on a "dog buying spree" and picked up this mutt collection with a 1/2 year of each other.

You can imagine my surprise when KiKi said..........

"Dad, will you buy me a dog?"

I paused for a second, realized she would be gone in 5 weeks, and at this point nobody knew if she would ever be living with us again.

So I said.....

"You're leaving in 5 weeks right?"

She shook her head and mentioned nothing more about it.

So I told Sue McGleno about the unusal request and told her that I was going to take KiKi out the following day to get her a puppy."

Sue McGleno was pissed.......

"Are you an idiot, she's leaving in a month, dogs live 15 years. Are you going to watch that dog for her?"

"Yes" I answered.

When I look back, I know that my daughter didn't need that dog, but she did need to leave that house knowing where my comitment was to her.

she might not of even known it externally, but on the inside, often times girls want to envision their fathers doing remarkable things for them.

Things that don't make sense.

I am always hopeful that when my daughter thinks of me that in her minds eye.....a Blue Ox is always walking at my side.

And for over a decade I've taken care of Romeo for my daughter, of all the mutts he's Sue McGleno's favorite by far, in fact she carries him around in a swaddling cloth like he's the Christ child, and all the time this little Jack Russell just stares through whoever he looks at with a zombie like stare.

Are men idiots?

Yes, I will conceed that, but in their own way they worship their daughters. Even crappy dads do....they just don't know how to articulate their feelings.

It's intimidating bringing something into the world that is beautiful, ecspecially when those pretty little creature becomes twice as smart as you by their 10th birthday.

Ladies.....I know each one of you has a different story, but if you have just a minute....try to think of some moments when your father tried to show their affection and respect for you in the semi-retarded masculine way.

Many of you are loved more than you know.

Zombie Cookies -

This is a recipe for a chewy Molasses cookie with a little cayenne added in to mix things up. Molasses cookies are w/o a doubt the best selling cookie at the Twin Cities Farmers Markets.

The Zombie Cookie however is a destination product of the Mardi Gras street fare.

You don't want so much pepper that it kicks you in the just need enough to make the back of your tongue glow after you're done chewing.

1/2 cup butter
1/4 cup all vegetable solid shortening
1 1/2 cups white sugar, divided
1/4 cup black strap molasses
1 egg
2 cups All Purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground ginger
!/2 teaspoon clove
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 teaspoon almond extract


Preheat oven 350°F.2

Blend the fat (butter & shortening), molasses, 1 cup sugar and egg.

While creaming this mixture add the remaining ingredients except 1/2 cup of white sugar.

Get 1/2 cup white sugar and pour into a bowl.

Next scoop your cookies, dip them into the sugar sugar and softly roll them.

Place each cookie on baking sheet covered with a parchment (and no sidewalls if possible).

Thay should bake 9-12 minutes10 minutes.

Take out the cookies as soon as they begin cracking. This will ensure you have a chewy cookie.

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