Saturday, September 17, 2011

Talking with Connie Chung and Kim Ode's Historical Rhubard Recipes

Like many days, yesterday started off with a phone call to Kim Ode.

There was a point when I used to do this out of friendship, or desire to learn what was new in her world, but now she has become a daily routine much like a morning shower, or a double shot of espresso.

Some might feel that becoming "routine" is in some weird way kinda a demotion since this denotes that there is no spontaneity left in this series of communication.

I disagree, for Klecko....the one thing I love more this anything is knowing that I am needed.

Kim Ode is an essential in the Klecko lifestyle......

Klecko -
"Hey, did I tell you that Axel and Slash have become friends again and there is going to be a Guns & Roses reunion here on November 15th?"

"Neat (said in level 10 sarcasm) Sue McGleno going?"

Klecko -
"No,it's boys only."

"But at least you'll invite her right?"

Klecko -
"No, we got in a fight over this last time they came through town, but c'mon...I sat through Simon and Garfunkel, that Siberian Railway Orchestra thing......I even flew her to Vegas to watch Bono out in the sand dunes."

"A girl still likes to be asked."

Klecko -
"Yeah, you know I know that Kim, but a Guns & Roses show is different. It's the definition of Boy's Only, a middle aged man, this is my last opportunity to play with army men in the sand box.

Sue McGleno doesn't want to do that, she wants to play hop scotch."

Now I hear a sigh, not a Klecko sigh, those are meant to manipulate and cause low levels of shame, no....this was a Kim Ode sigh which in her world means she is bored, and the topic must rotate or she will replace you in pursuit of some cutting edge news that she can shill to her minions.

"I suppose I should go, I have to prepare for an interview with Connie Chung."

Kim says stuff like that and then throws up brick walls, I mean she'll toss a statement out like that and then she'll pull the rug out and start a new topic where she will comment on the least when she talks to me she knows she's in charge simply because she knows how to push my buttons.

Klecko -

What do you mean you get to talk with Connie Chung, really...about what? is she even doing anything today.....I guess it doesn't matter, I hate you Kim Ode, I want to talk with Connie Chung!"

Now most people who know Kim Ode have her painted as a dignified woman. She is the matriarchal voice of our State in fact, but Klecko can shed a little light on that, she does have a perverse side to her, a side that loves to watch her best friend squirm helpless LOL.

"Yeah, I won't actually be interviewing her as much as having an opportunity to ask her 5 questions, wouldn't you like to ask Connie Chung 5 questions Klecko?"

Touche my Scandinavian / journalist friend, you are in rare form today. You know I don't know more than the obvious about Connie Chung, but it's just kinda in my wiring to want to be "the person" who gets to determine the 5 questions!

Klecko -
"OK, I'll bite....whats the 5 questions you are going to ask?"

"In 1993, when you were anchoring the CBS Evening News, people still really were tuning in to three major networks. Now there are roughly a bazillion sources of news through all sorts of channels. Are people better informed today, or do you have concerns about the proliferation of news outlets?

It was almost 30 years ago that you made news by talking about the importance of pursuing a better balance between career and family. Sarah Jessica Parker's new movie, “I Don’t Know How She Does It,’ explores the same issue. Why is this still seen as something novel, even courageous, and unaddressed by society?

WomenVenture helps women set up businesses and become better manages of finances. What will you be telling the gathering on October? Anything from your own experience?

You helped judge the Miss Universe pageant earlier this week, an event largely understood, or perhaps misunderstood as a beauty pageant. What can we learn from such events?

What projects are you working on these days?"

I guess these are pretty good questions, but Klecko mentioned that he thought Connie might stumble on #4. Talking about your participation in a Miss Universe beauty pageant is a lot like Jesus waving a hand gun in your face.

If you say "Lord of Lords, this pistol is making me nervous" well the world will claim that you lack faith, who knows????? If he's having a hard day, maybe this will upset the Messiah and some Old Testament plague will befall your clan.

If you say "Thanks time point a bazooka at the name of the Father,Son and Holy Ghost" well, I guess you deserve to get shot.

Basically some issues cannot be answered w/o pissing off large volumes of peeps.

Miss Universe huh, it is so patriotic, so American Iconic, but lets face is so savage as well.

Daughter of mine, you should aspire to have really big breasts, always smile and make sure you practice answering questions as to how you would change the world.

I won't even get into the tiara...sigh.

"By the way, I heard from my publisher, and it appears that I have to come up with 10 more recipes for my rhubarb cookbook."

I laughed, because if you've ever done a cookbook, you know that when your publisher says you will need better have 150 ready to go.

It's not that publishers are dishonest, but its really hard to know an authors voice well enough to know how many pages it will turn into.

So Kim e-mailed me her manuscript and asked me to be an extra set of eyes to check her flavor combinations and if I had any suggestions.......

I don't think I mentioned that Kim is doing this book for the Minnesota Historical Society, and if you ask me, they are a nice fit.

The M.H.S. is responsible for preserving the history and traditions of Minnesota, where Ode is responsible for keeping the Land of 10 000 Lakes privy to the News of the World.......every single day.

So Kim hangs up, and pastry chef Deborah Gilson walks into the office. She has been gone for 5 weeks working/vacationing by herself in Europe.

From my vantage point she looks to have dropped some weight and her thinner body is engulfed in a dress that I just know she bought in some expensive Parisian shop.

So the 2 of us go out to lunch so we can catch up.

Originally the deal was that she was to live on a goat island off the west coast of France. And that's exactly what happened, but...well why don't I let her explain it?

"Danny, you wouldn't have believed it. In France people have their homes and they also rent out extra rooms to vacationers.

My job was to teach the the kids English, so I would do that, but I had to sleep in a loft, with the kids, and the Father would stay up all night smoking cigarettes and drinking with an ever changing cast.

One of the little creeps I took care of was Sinbad, and he never shut off his lamp at night. I hated Sinbad, I could never sleep.

Then at meal time, well the original deal was they would take me out to a restaurant and buy me one meal a day. They never did this. Instead, you got a scoop of rice, or a scoop of pasta.

No toppings, no side dishes, just one scoop....PLOP, that's it, no more."

Gilson is so Sue McGleno, that's why I value her. She works best alone, and fears absolutely nothing.

When I asked how she survived 5 weeks of that, well her little demon smile started to curl upward. With a sense of pride because she was happy to boast......

"I didn't, I fled the goat farm, I left the goat island, and then I just hopped a bus for 22 hours and headed for Spain, I feel comfortable there, and I had some time to kill before my lodgings in Paris would be open."


The monkey scream on my Droid alerted me I had an incoming Kim Ode call.

I decided to interrupt my Gilson convo because Ode never calls me, that's my job.

Klecko -
"What's Up?"

"How many phone conversations have you had with a celebrity today, and if any, how many times did they tell you that your voice was wonderful and then start badgering you to know how much voice over work you'd done?"

Well played KIM ODE - well played.

The following is a recipe from the Kim Ode / Minnesota Historical Society's Rhubarb cook book.

Let me turn it over to Kim........

Ah, Klecko speaks of a recipe I came up with for - ta da ! - my upcoming cookbook about rhubarb (next spring; save the date) Here's the deal: Saute a chopped onion in some olive oil, then stir in about a half cup each of chopped dates and chopped rhubarb. Add a cup of couscous, some chicken stock, then season with a bit of cinnamon and cloves. Top with slivered almonds that you've toasted. The tart of the rhubarb works really well with the sweet dates.


  1. as kim ode's brutal editor i am crushed that she didn't tell me the voice-over thing.

    and some day i want someone to say this about me: "She works best alone, and fears absolutely nothing." except the second half of the statement would then be a lie.

  2. Hertzel, KIM ODE is quicker to let you on things if she knows that they will "Joyfully" make you squirm.

    Laurie Hertzel works best alone and.....I'll need to pray about this.