Funeral Cake Recipe

A few days ago, a week ago, a picture surfaced across Facebook of some guy from the Twin Cities Hospitality scene.

We were told he suffered from depression, and had left home without his wallet or cell phone.

The story doesn't have a happy ending. Dude killed himself.

Well, it turns out that my pastry chef Hennessy was friends with the guy in middle school.

So see split her shift yesterday to go to the funeral.

When she got back, I just gave her a frumpy look asking rhetorically......

"Good times huh?"

But then Hennessy smiled in that way all St Paul women do.

 A smile filled with optimisism and hope....

"It actually was nice. I saw all sorts of people I hadn't seen in years. It was kinda strange, we had all gotten so much older, but the funeral was actually really nice. It was more of a celebration of life!"

When I heard that, I kinda recoiled.

I love Hennessy, but c'mon......

When you are dead, do you really-I mean really want people to celebrate?

I don't.

I want all of you to be crushed. I want torn sack cloth, ashes rubbed on your face and wailing that will be heard across 7 counties.

Then the next day, just forget about me, it's gonna happen eventually anyways, right? LOL.

Another thing about funerals, The food really sucks doesn't it?

It's not like a wedding where people have a year to prepare.

It's not like people have an extensive budget for such things right?

They just kinda make due.

When people die, you just have a couple of days, and your bake session is gonna be filled with grief. Their is zero joy in baking for a funeral.

Some might suggest....

"But Klecko, at least you get the satisfaction of feeding souls that are filled with sorrow."

Sorry, I don't, I'm not insane about things dying. It happens everyday, but I don't have to like it, and I'm just not going to "Celebrate You" when you die.

Let me inform you right now, I will be crushed for you.

I think if you are honest...you might prefer that, but if not....feel free to let me know.

Anyways, while you are still alive, try to Google some "Funeral Cake" recipes...

O-M-G....if they are not the ishiest things one can eat. What is?

Submitted below is the kind of slop that usually gets doled out. Now I know you know I am not a snob, but really?????

Yum Yum or Funeral Cake (you can't make this up)

1 box yellow cake mix

Make as directed on box

Bake @ 350 degrees (F) for 15 minutes

  1 c. milk 8 oz. cream cheese 4 c. Cool Whip 1 lg. can crushed pineapple, drained 1 c. chopped nuts (walnuts are my preference) 1 c. coconut

Mix milk and instant pudding mix in a large mixer bowl. Add cream cheese and mix well. Stir in Cool Whip. Spread over top of cooled cake. Pour crushed pineapple over frosting. Spread nuts and coconut over cake. Refrigerate at least 4 hours or overnight.

I posted this on Facebook in my Kim Ode's Baking 101 site, and you should have sen all the nasty-nasty remarks.

Anyways, I pray for the soul of the guy who lost his life. I pray for Hennessy, and all those who lost this friend to gain comfort.

But for today...you are here, and so am I, we are stuck with each other......

Stay alive kids, and all this misery will be avoided.

The Last American Baker.