Saturday, May 12, 2012

2 Nuns, a Harley and a Sheet Cake

A Pollack and a Mexican Nun walk into a bakery........

Sounds like a set up to a set up to an off colored joke huh?

The Polish Nun is the ranking Nun, and knowing that my veins are filled with Warsaw blood as well, she takes comfort in coming into the bakery and hitting me up for donations.

I've mentioned it before, I am pretty much through with the Catholic Church these days.

I don't wish them ill, but I don't feel good financing them in spite of "controversial cases" that are taking place.

When I hear, or no....when I see the Church prioritizing the safety of its children, I may reconsider.

However....I do have a dealio with the Polish Christ.

I will do my best to support Nuns to the best of my ability.

Klecko adores Nuns.

So now The Pollack and Mexican Nun are sitting in my office. They have a non Nun woman who drives them around, she's with us too.

The Pollack eyes the big bottle of Jack Daniels on my desk, then turns to her Mexican colleague, and the both of them giggle little teenagers.

The Pollack tells me that they are just coming from a Harley Davidson dealership.

My penguin friends were hitting up the bikers to donate a bike for an upcoming Nun Raffle.

When I asked if the guys ponied up and gave them a "Hog", the Nuns smiled, then giggled again.

I didn't know what that meant, but I wouldn't have time to find out because....

The Mexican Nun told me that I was going to be getting off a lot easier, all I needed to do was provide sheet cake for 150 people.

Sometimes when I donate to groups, its on behalf of the bakery, but in terms of religion, or religious causes....I think employees need to take care of those themselves.

The last thing I want to do is be responsible for which God is getting the most free product.

So after we settled that stuff, the 4 of us engaged in "Girl Talk" and during this period I explained that in less than 2 weeks, on Tuesday May 22nd in fact, Klecko was having surgery on his nose.

I'll spare you guys the details, but the Last American Baker had a tough winter, and exhausted every course to being able to breath, but nothing solved my issues.

I told the Nuns that Mr. Doctor was going to insert 4 inch rods inside of my skull, and they would have to remain there for 48 hours.

I am not looking forward to that.

So Friday, Hennessy is sitting in the our office, across from me, and the phone rings.

It was the Pollack Nun.

I am told that there is going to be a special Mass said for me on the morning of my operation.

It's not a life threatening procedure,but I feel comforted none the less....I can't tell you why.

Now the Pollack asks me what my Christian name is.

I tell her, Daniel McGleno.

"Daniel with an EL or AL?" she asks.

"EL" I respond.

Then I told the Pollack that I loved her, and she told me that she loved me as well.

So now I hang up the phone, Hennessy gives me "The Look", but I don't know why.

Hennessy b.t.w. is a good-good Catholic girl, but something isn't sitting right with her, finally she reveals her concern.

"What is your Christian name? They don't need to ask that. God knows who you are."

I just smiled at the Pastry Chef. Even though she is a smarter person and a better Catholic, I still schooled her.....

"Yeah, they know that God knows my name, but those Nuns love me, and just needed an excuse to let me know that they were going to pray for my sorry soul."

In closing, Christian's, Catholic's, Jew's and Buddhists....hear me well.

You don't have to be a believer, but if I've learned just one thing in life it's...hook up Nuns, and Karma will kiss you on the lips.

Don't believe me?

I triple dog dare you to bake a cake, bring it to a nun, and just watch how wonderful your life will become.

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