Thursday, February 10, 2011

Scarface, Woody Allen and Klecko's Elastic Arm


Sometimes reality is better than the most cleverly written script.

So there I was, at the "fill out your deposit slip desk" at the bank, I was moving quick cuz it was close to the noon hour and I didn't want to get bogged down by the lunchtime bank crowd.

So after filing out my slip, I popped into the line....and who was standing there, inserted in front of me? a guy who was...well before I describe him, before I make fun of him, I'll admit to it, Danny Klecko is a freak! If you need somebody to make fun of, girlfriend.......I was born with a bulls eye on my forehead.

But anyway, the guy directly in front of me was about 37-43 years old. He was a white guy, but actually that isn't an accurate description because his skin was closer to pink. Now I know many people would say Caucasians or ruddy complected folks all have a pinkish skin tone, but this dude was baby gerbil - sliding straight out of the birthing canal pink.

His hair was bleached and thinning on top. he had just enough folic on the bald patch to make his skull appear silly.

His pants were actually slacks, pleated and black, and of course his feet were covered with patent leather Florshiems, they had the fake gold clips on the top, just like my grandpas, It was as if he had pimp chariots wrapped around his feet.

By now you know there has to be bling involved, it started with the obligatory golden crucifix that was on a gold chain which was long enough to walk dogs with. We're not talking Chihuahua's either, more like Great Danes.

On his right hand was that gold - signet -pinky ring, you know what I'm talking about, the same ring that some cat who runs the Greek Deli in your neighborhood wears, and you know that if a guy is wearing a gold - signet - pinky ring that he can't be thin. It's against guy rules.

To wear such a thing you have to be 20 pounds past husky.

But-But-But------the best part of this dandy's wardrobe was the jacket LOL! I swear to Caesar it was a fake black leather, I'm not even sure how many levels down it was on the leather alloy chart, but it was "that" tacky, the coolest part was that it had a huge mural type picture (which looked artificially spray painted on the back) of Al Pacino's Scarface character, and kids, if that isn't enough to make you think I'm on mushrooms and making this up........along the back belt line was a word in scripted with Old English font.....HUSTLE ! The ring on Scarfaces hand had fake gems on it. They looked the the jewels my sister used to comb through the horse mane of her "My Little Pony" set.

For the first time in my life I was glad that my daughter moved to Nebraska, cuz if this clown so much as looked at her I would have been forced to (Klecko cannot fill in this part of the sentence in fear it could incriminate him in the future), well nevermind.

Klecko's always hated "That Guy", you Woody Allen hooking up with his step daughter, or basically any guy who breaks the following guy rules.

#1 - Your friend has been "friendly" with her - that's an eternal "HANDS OFF"

#2 - Urban legend declare 1/2 your age plus add 7 years and then she qualifies - if this is true....I'll abide, but I still don't agree 100%

There's a million more, but talk to any guy who trolls for young girls and I'll bet you a dollar to a monkey that his experience has a justified, specific disclaimer, or because of religion,poverty or famine he is the exception.

Hey, unless you are Pablo Picasso, 40 something guy, with 20 anything girl, is the quickest ticket to Hell in the "Regular Guy's" instruction manual.

Now that we are living in a social networking world, I can't tell you how many 20-whatever girl bakers have contacted me. Last Friday it was the young woman in Seattle discussing Brioche formulation, yesterday it was the Ohio chick discussing recipes that got left behind when her stores head baker quit.

All of these technologies taking place through texting or Facebook, how fun is that?

Although most of us look(ed) the best while we are in out 20's, I contend that there is nothing prettier than watching any young woman (or guy for that matter) navigating their way through the world.

Being in a position of mentor ship may be the greatest contribution that you'll ever be able to give. Let's not forget the saying that my Bread Masters told me (usually after a verbal thrashing) "It's more noble to train a champion than be a champion."

I couldn't agree thugs - be nice to the young ladies, they are becoming an increasing force in the baking community. If I have it my a few years, one of them will be my boss.


  1. You're sure it wasn't Brother Ali?

  2. LOL, Now that you say so could have been. Hahahahahaha !