Crashing Bread Truck - Gouda Stout Bread Recipe

When the "Year of the Rabbit" ended, I was sad because I thought life would be less than appealing as the Chinese Zodiac shifted karma and a sky full of stars......

What I didn't know was that the Rabbit would be followed by the "Dragon" and it wasn't enough for this scaly reptile to budge into the universal time line, it also decided to 86 Klecko at all cost.

Now had the "Rabbit" politely explained to me that my time was up, I'd have gotten it, I wouldn't have kicked and screamed as I left this earth age for the next.

But that Dragon....first it attacked with me with a brutal nasal infection, 21 days of antibiotics,a mist inhaler of steroids that I tried only to wake up with uber anxiety as spiders and snakes crawled across my flesh, an appointment at the sleep study place, a place where they attach electrodes to your body and hover over you while you sleep looking like "Maverick" in that Top Gun cockpit.....

All this has taken place within less than 2 months of the Dragons reign.

For whatever reason the Ol' Lizard King wants me out of here, but the Saints of Saint Faustina had plans of their own.

Anyways...with that said, I've been busy baking for my Retail Sale that will take place Saturday morning.

This month we have a United Kingdom theme going on, it will be impressive.

If you ever get an opportunity to speak to bakers from the aisles, you really should. These folks have squat for ingredients, but that doesn't stop them.

Like Rumpelstiltskin, these cats spin gold out of straw.

So within hours I'll be heading in to suit up for the big bake.

Hennessy has been busting tail for over a week, she has a lot more to do than me and has been slaving away.

I dipped some pretzel breads, made 100#'s of dog biscuits (AmsterRome's) that contain Dutch "Gouda" and Italian "Parmesan" cheese.

The Gouda was left over because one of the featured breads I will be providing is a Gouda Stout loaf, and after divvying the ingredients, I had 4 extra pounds of cheese and 3 extra bottles of Guinness.

So there you go.....it's 5 p.m. and the world goes on. Klecko is driving home, praying for guidance as to how he should prepare his Roasted Garlic Potato loaves when all of a sudden.........

CRASH!

My bread truck harpooned the passenger side of a 58 year old woman's Hyundai.

I've never been the driver during a car accident in my life.

If you recall, earlier last summer a unmanned pickup rolled down a hill and smashed into Tydus's car (totaling it) as it finally hit the Breadmobile, forcing her to spend 3 nights with the monkey wrench surgeon.

I was in the right lane of Layette Avenue, pulling up to a unsupervised intersection. The minivan to my left took off, so I did as well, but it slammed on its breaks and Wah-La.....

I just see these 2 bug eyed head lights zipping into my sightline.

Lady Bird was blitzing the intersection, and I tagged her.

We both pulled over, I was pissed because I began to think of insurance rates, body work appointments, and I knew we'd have to wait for "Johnny Law" and I really had to pee.

It took the cop over an hour to show up, so I stood shivering in the parking lot while Lady Bird sat inside her dented blue accordion.

As my anger mounted at her, at the moment....at the Dragon, I just took a deep breath and looked at the lady.

She was sick in her eyes.

She knew her lack of attention was costly.

But then I imagined how gnarly it would of been had the Jaws of Life had to come and peel the sardine lid off of her import to remove her.

I could see in her eyes that she was going to go to bed angry, but she was going to go to bed... none the less.

The Copper filed our data, handed me a case number and told me that he was going to report the accident as her fault.

He told me I could go, and then he went to deliver his verdict to my companion, and as I turned the key in the ignition....

I wanted to roll down my window and tell this woman "This Too Shall Pass Kiddo" sometimes accidents happen.

But I didn't.

I feel fortunate be writing tonight.

Stay Out of my way Dragon....Klecko is here to stay.


GOUDA STOUT LOAVES

3 PACKS OF ACTIVE DRY YEAST

1 CUP GUINNESS STOUT

1/2 CUP WATER

3/4 CUP GOUDA CHEESE CUBED

3 1/2 ALL PURPOSE FLOUR

1 CUP RYE

1 TABLESPOON SALT

1 HANDFUL DEHYDRATED ONION (OPTIONAL)

This should give you enough for 2-3 loaves.

Your oven temp should be around 400 degrees with roughly a 30 minute bake time.

If you don't have rye, you can just go all flour, and the reason we use dry onions is because we want the flavor, but we don't need the extra moisture.
*Also for a batch this size I'd usually use 2 packs of yeast, but there is a lot of booze here. If your house is cold...feel free to heat up the stout/water mixture.

Good Luck