Friday, April 15, 2011

King Arthur, Lawn Ornaments and Children of the Kingdom.

Friday Klecko will be going into work later than usual. The folks from King Arthur Flour our going to be teaching a "Master" level class tomorrow, and my shop will be the host site.

King Arthur is a high end flour that you may have seen in your CO-OP's and health food stores in 5# sacks.

Tomorrows emphasis is to show professionals how great their product is, and if the presentation is convincing enough....well the guests will be purchasing 50# bags on a weekly basis.

So being that I got to leave later, I actually got to see Sue McGleno rise from the depths of slumber before I left.

Like Lazarus, she crawled from her crypt and headed straight for the shower.

Sue McGleno's hygiene threw off my routine a little bit, I was just about to head off to the coffee shop but I had to let the "Gang of 4" outside to...well, do their business.

When I opened the back door P-Nut,Gracie and Deedle-Deedle went rushing across the threshold to embrace the day, but sometimes I'm not sure if they do this to relieve their bladder, or if they simply want the wicked-good dog biscuit that they'll get as a reward for coming back into the house.

Romeo is often times the first of the pack to run out, but as the other 3 frolicked, that stupid smooth coat Jack Russell was not to be found.

Of all things on planet Earth that contain a beating heart, Sue McGleno loves Romeo more than anything else. Wherever she goes......Romeo follows.

1/2 the times when you see these two, Sue McGleno will be holding him in her arms as if he were a canine version of the Christ child swaddled in textiles of velvet.

So I walk over to the bathroom figuring that the beast must be in there. The shower is running.....Klecko turns the handle...the door is locked.

So I pound on the door and ask.....

"Why's the door locked?"

Then Sue McGleno thrusts the door open....Romeo squirts out of the bathroom and runs outside while his Oedipus focal point begins my berating....

"Listen, I don't want to hear any rules, you are living on Sue McGleno's time. I own the house at this time of the day. Go to work and I'll see you later!"

*SLAM* the door thunders shut, and Klecko goes to the back yard to oversee his final task before departure.

When I stepped out the back door I stood on the back steps and watched my best friends rotate in systematic circles. I've never figured the reason for this ritual, but I do know that it in intricate into their being able to poop.

So while all this is taking place, I here this "Whap-Whap Whap-Whap Whap-Whap" rattling off in quick succession. to the east my neighbor the doctor has been so kind to purchase one of those lumberjack lawn ornaments, you've seen them, its the one where the wind blows a propeller which in turn forces those 2 goofy lumberjacks to saw through a log.

I could tell you 162 reasons why I hate the Doctor, and his wife....but its Friday and I don't want to shroud my weekend with negative Karma.

The wind was blowing hard so it appeared that the figurines in plaid shirts would be sawing away for awhile.

The racket was upsetting to P-Nut. she always is certain that the other 3 dogs poop before her (and they did), but every time she squatted and nature was about to take its course...WHAP-WHAP WHAP-WHAP WHAP-WHAP.

For whatever reason, this sawing sound was messing with girl, I was in a hurry, but I decided to calm down a bit and just let my mind drift.

When Klecko became mentally centered..LOL, he found himself up in the northern woods of Minnesota at Sue McGleno's parents house. They live in a cottage much like the one you would envision in Little Red Riding Hood or Hansel & Gretel.

You might find this hard to believe, but this landscape is somewhat foreign to the author of this blog.

Then it came to me. I remembered the morning. I was outside smoking cigs along the trails and I heard that demonic WHAP-WHAP WHAP-WHAP WHAP-WHAP!

Back in the middle of nowhere was that same lumber jack lawn ornament. I remember how it befuddled me. how it forced me to produce another cigarette, light it and wonder as to how such a contraption got made in China and found its ways to this most unlikely location.

Was it a Christmas gift from a small child. A gift that was hated, but yet couldn't be eliminated for fear that the Grandchildren would feel rejected and amass extensive therapy bills?

I sat out in those woods for over an hour, I what else was I gonna do, paddle a canoe?

On my final cigarette, as I watched the lumberjacks sawing in perfect harmony, I kinda had this epiphany.

It occurred to me that I was out of the Twin Cities, and for this brief weekend, somebody else was feeding my empire.

Children would walk into restaurants and order hamburgers that would be served on buns that I had not touched.

I realize that this sounds narcissistic, but this realization made me depressed, and not because I was thinking that I could do it better......

Its just that I so much enjoyed be part of the process.

P-Nut eventually pooped and pulled me back into the now by clawing at me for one of the caviar biscuits I made last week at General Mills.

When the pack was fed, I said good bye to Sue McGleno, she just opened the door and gave me a look that I don't know how to read, even after being best friends for over 30 years.

I hope she has a good day.


  1. A generous slice of life, with melted cheese

  2. I'll be playing the Blue Lounge all times are 9 and 11!!!

  3. Your mind drifts, like smoke, but not surprising since it's been windy a lot lately.

  4. Koefod.....I think the wind has been present throughout my life LOL