Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Are Bakers Sensitive About Being Fat?

I'm stretched out across the couch with my eyes welded to my 500 inch plasma TV. I can't even tell you what was on, it doesn't matter, it's TV and by virtue of the fact the the on button has been pressed into the on position, well.....that's enough for Klecko.

There's a sheltie sloped over my headrest, and she kinda has her body wrapped around my neck like some kind of raggedy old mink stole.

Peanut the wire haired Jack Russell lays down by my feet and although we've lived together for 9 years, I notice she isn't as long as my Nike's unless she stretches out in that "Cow Jumps Over the Moon" position.

Deedle-Deedle, my chihuahua, my confidant is spinning in circles, clawing an invisible hole into my couch, and this volitile action is actually making me a little more than nervous since it's taking place between my legs.

Of course the only member of the pack that's not with me is Romeo, he's the smooth coat Jack Russell that has a relationship with Sue McGleno that may be closer than Fox Mulder and Agent Scully.

I mean...Dude, everytime I turn around she has that mutt cradled in her arms as if it were the Christ child.

OK....everybody is settled in now and "BANG", the front door flys open and all 4 canines go spastic.

It's just like Dino on the Flinstones "Arbbbbbb Barbbbbbbbb Arbbbbbbb", but only x's4.

So Tydus makes his way across the living room and performs the tenuous ritual of yanking off his shirt and then proceeding to ask Sue McGleno to inspect his ab's after his nightly workout at the gym.

Of course I think the both of them are absurd to engage in this dialougue on a nightly basis, but most of the time I simply shut up so they will do the same, and that way I can go back to watching one of my 900 cable channels.

But the other night, I couldn't help myself, and I made some kind of sarcastic comment. Swear to Caesar I can't remember what it was, but Tydus got all snakey about it......

"Dad, you can mock my sexuality, my political views, or even my religous beliefs, but don't get started on body image stuff, I don't like it."

Then being a dad, being an antagonist, I was comepletely in the dagger throwing mood so I tossed Karen Carpenter remarks towards him, but Sue McGleno dropped the gavel glare, and when that happened....I stopped.

But as the evening went on I started to laugh to myself how thick skinned you have to be in the baking industry.

I mean let's face it, haven't you ever hear the cliche "Never Trust a Skinny Baker?"

I'm sure there's like what 4 of them in the world. 1 in Italy, 1 in Chile and 2 in Holland, but there simply are no thin bakers in America, at least bakers that have been in the show for 5-10 years.

I can't tell you how many times over the years I've watched 2 bakers greet one another with..........

"Hey fat a**, what's going on?" or "Good morning fatso, if you go to Starbucks, I'll buy if you fly."

Bakers, seasoned bakers are immune to these statements.

The thing that is interesting about the majority of peeps working on a bread crew is that most of them will have a few extra pounds on them, but at the same time....they are carrying some muscle as well from pulling doughs out of bowls, pulling thousands of bread pans out of the oven.

I mean the list could go on and on if you tried to describe all the physical rigors a baker goes through admidst a single shift.

I know name calling can seem barbaric or ignorant, and I'm not going argue with anybody about it, I'm just listing an observation of what I've seen.

I'm a pretty good candidate to do this since when I first got into the show, I was 175#'s. There were times in later years when I was pretty darn close to hitting 3 bills, but I'm thinking my standard "Bakers Weight" is going to be between 270-275 pounds.

The one thing I will mention is I realize if you are working at a place like Wells Fargo you'd lose your job if you addressed a collegue as a Plop A**, but in our neck of the woods, verily-verily, I say unto you.....most people don't even think twice.

These people feel good about themselves. They know that they are not lazy, they work very hard.

I think sometines when you do something tangible like entering an empty warehouse, and filling it completly with bread over a 10 hour span, it creates a sense of accomplisment.

This will make you feel better about yourself than anything.

Dear Friends, life is short, and oppurtuities are prescious. It is my most sincere hope that none of you limit your joy because of appearance.

Beauty and vanity make horrible bed mates.