Monday, July 18, 2011

Smashed Cars & Sexy Dates @ the Amazon Farmers Market

As I prepared to wind down my Saturday evening, Sue McGleno approached me and requested that we wake up early to go to the Saint Paul Farmers Market on a "special date."

I have to laugh when she uses the word "early" being my day is officially 1/2 over by the time her little Lazuras body rises from the dead on weekends.

Anyways, I said I would go knowing that it was predicted to be hot and uncomfortable the folling moring.

So Sue McGleno goes to bed, she's asleep for a couple hours, and a little after midnight my son Tydus walks into the house and tells me I better join him outside.

My kid isn't one for theatrical drama, so I figure something is up since it's past the witching hour.

As I stepped onto Hartford Avenue. I noticed Johnny Law had his cruiser pulled up, the cherries were flashing and cop guy was pointing his flashlight at a heap of metal

Dude from up the street has a pick up truck, and it slipped gear, rolled down the street hitting my sons car which tail ended my ride.

The back end of My Toyota Rav 4 was on the hood of Tydus's little compact.

Dude's truck hit it square and sonny boys transportation now looks more like an accordian.

Dudes pick up truck pulled away fine, my ride drove away with merely a damaged bumper, but my kid, the self proclaimed "King of Swag", well....his ride is trashed. The engine wouldn't even turn over.

After something like that, it is hard for young people to decompress. Tydus was pissed at his misfortune, so sometimes all a dad can do is sit up with the wounded soul till 3 a.m. watching Scott Pilgram VS the World.

Sue McGleno proceeded to get up at 8:30, I asked her if our pending date still seemed as sexy at this early hour.

She gave me the finger and went into the kitchen to make coffee.

At this point, I witnessed something I have never seen before in my house.

The living room windows were fogged over with sweat so thick, you couldn't see outside.

It's always kinda creepy when you experience something in nature that you've never seen before.

Well, the 2 of us finally took off. The second we walked down our sidewalk....Dear God in heaven, sure it was hot, but the humidity was unreal.

I felt like I was in Omaha or New Orleans.

By the time we got into the car, both of us were lathered with sweat.

But if I've learned one thing during my career as a man, you can let your wife terminate a sexy date, but if you the guy pulls the plug....start the death march Daddy-O.

Sue McGleno had spending on her mind so the both of us made our way across Capitol City to the downtown Farmers Market.

OK, I know I digress, but heres were the story is heading.

When I go to the market, I often time feel stress.

Often times there will be like 74 tables, of which 59 of them are pretty much selling the same products.

So the question is, which person does Klecko drop his coin on?

The candidates are basically broke down into 4 camps..........

#1 The American farmer guy with his kid

#2 The Hmong Woman who is 73 years old

#3 A retail representitive from a local business

#4 A good looking woman wearing her farmers market halter top

Now #1 is a good guy to throw cash at, because dude is a farmer, and he is the back bone of our country, and in addition to being all patriotic, he's teaching his kid the value of working.

#2 is important too. have you ever been a stranger in a strange land? I have, it can really suck. Many of our Hmongs in the Twin Cities work the Farmers market as their main source of income.

#3 is the Retail peeps, these are my buisness comrades, if I don't scratch their back, whose gonna support me? I even have to comment? I know it is so-so shallow to throw vanity into this option hogpile, but Klecko really likes girls.

Who would you give your cash to?

As Sue McGleno and I made the rounds, some local weather guy on the radio said for the first time since modern records had been kept, our fair city was the most humid location on the globe.

Technically, I think we were tied with the Amazon, but that's a win in any Mid Westerners book.

So after running into people that we knew, Sue McGleno and I calculated our needs and ended up throwing our cash at the Hmong booths.

I guess there really is no right or wrong way to do business there, but I have always been a suck for an older woman who sits on the back of a truck all alone.

Stay cool kids.


  1. I'd drop some cash on the old ladies too. Hmong or not...but not if she was wearing a halter. I draw the line somewhere.