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Monday, July 25, 2011

Baking for the Celebrity "B" List

Remember last week when I gave you guys the poll/question thing about which dinner roll the top chef's in the Twin Cities were going to use.

I must have got over 80 responses, and surprisingly enough only one person answered correct.

That's almost numarically impossible since I only listed 6 options.

The Culinary powers that be went with the Dill / Sunflower bread sticks.

The product needed to be dropped off Sunday morning, but there was such an importance attached to this order, I knew I wouldn't rest until I had confirmation that all things were mission accomplished.

Over the years I've found that the way to achieve this while expending the least ammount of energy is to just do it yourself.

So even though I had slid out of the bread truck just 5 hours prior (with Sue McGleno after attending the U2 show)I plopped back in and went over to the bakery to load things up.

The boys did a great job with these pieces, they were finishing the packing when I walked into the shop.

Driving across Saint Paul before 7 a.m. on a Sunday morning is what I imagine driving on the moon is like.

Not only are there no podestrians or vehicles using the streets, but it's hard to sense a vibe that anything that breathes or has a soul has been in your midst within a year.

Do your research, and I'll bet you Saint Paul is the smallest big town in the nation.

Hells - Bells, basically we're kinda like Mayberry R.F.D. except we have minorities and a couple of Starbucks.

So now I pull into the loading dock of the arena, and "Ramp Guy" asks me how long my delivery is going to take.

I showed the guy my load and told him where I was delivering to, but sometimes you don't know if it's going to take 10 seconds or 20 minutes to find somebody to check your order in and sign for it.

They sent me to a dock on the adjacent side of the arena. I think I've blogged about this before, but.....when you drive under stadiums, it's like being in another world.

In a way, you feel as if you are in the digestive track of some monolithic Levithan.

After driving several more football fields of length I pulled over and some guy on the payroll ambles over to my ride while I am building towers out of bread racks and he asks me basically the identical thing that "Ramp Guy" asked.

My head was hurting now, and in the back of my mind I was thinking "My kingdom for a shot of Espresso", but I didn't get cute with the guy. I just guestimated 10 minutes, and then "Ramp Guy #2" says........

"Well make sure you keep it at 10, I have secret service coming in here in 20 minutes, and your truck is sitting on their spot.

From what I heard, the gig was a fund raiser for hearing impared issues, so what the "H" was this guy talking about....was Obama going to show up?

I asked the guy, and with his back turned and walking away, he said Bill Clinton was coming.

Really? You get secret service guys posted around you even though you haven't ran the country for 15 years? Seriously....you'd have to be a pretty hardcore Republican to still be pissed with Bill after all these years.

Then as I pushed my twin towers of bread, I ran some numbers using skid math, trying to figure out how much the American tax payers were doling out annually to protect Carter, Clinton and the Bush tandem each day.

The sum I came up with was staggering and made me shake my head as I pushed the up button on the freight elevator.

After taking a trip up through the bowels, this huge fish spit me out on the 4th floor where I deposited my wares in the kitchens entry way.

I'm telling you, it was a sight to behold. The only way I can describe it is to say that the place looked like a bee hive and even though I was looking through ignorent lenses, it appeared to me that each person was executing their tasks with extreme precision, and in a timely fashion.

So echo's from U2's encores were still buzzing in the dark corners of my head, I wondered if it would be possible for me to get another hours sleep in if I scurried home real quick, so just when I was about to push the down button on of the freight elevator....the door pops open.

Standing right in front of me is the Executive Chef. I've known him for years, and he's always seemed like a pretty cool guy, but at this moment he was still in street clothes.

In over a decade, I've never seen this cat in anything other than prestine chef coats with high thread counds.

Dude's eyes were heavy and glazed over.

I knew this look too well, I started to laugh and ask if he traded in a nights sleep for a short nap.

I think he replied yes with a yawn.

So today, today in the StarTribune "Faces" section they did a little piece on this event. It was a fund raiser for Ear/Hearing stuff, but let me read off the "Celebrity List."

Garth Brooks
Whoopi Goldberg
Patricia Arquette
Kevin Sorbo
Kevin Costner
Marlee Matin
Bill Clinton

And the performing artists were..........

Meat Loaf, Miley Cyrus and Reba McEntire.

As I've gone throughout my day, I have to tell you, I kinda had to chuckle. Sure, each person on this list has been white hot at one time or another in their lives.

And I know that their vallets and pool cleaners make double of what I do, but let face it LOL, none of these peeps are an arrow up in todays pop culture anymore.

Do you think there was even a chance in hell that Lady Gaga was gonna show up for this party? I don't, if an "A" lister even gets caught within Whoopi they automatically lose 100 street cred points.

I don't make the rules, I'm just saying......

How often do you laugh out loud when you are all by yourself? I never do, but I did today.

Can't you just see Costner sitting beside the pool of one of his 3 homes last Thursday night? Who knows, maybe Erik Estrada calls him up for some reason, if so....does Costner pump this gig to appear relevant to another has been?

"Yeah Ponch, gotta fly out on Saturday to the TC's to do a fund raising gig. Huh...what's that? Oh....yeah, the entertainment is going to be Meatload singing 2 out of 3 ain't bad.
It was a huge #1 hit...........but the part that his delusion prevents him from saying it that was 30 some years ago.

Now you know Klecko isn't about being a hater, but all I can say is I think it has to be incrediblly difficult going from a position in life where you've had power, money, youth and fame.......but then one day you wake up and have to adjust to the fact that you were the second choice to be a celbrity attendee at a hearing aid banquet because Richard Dawson contracted gout.

Alright kids, don't any of you forget that as long as you subscribe to the daily musings of The Last American Baker........

You are certain to remain on Klecko's "A" List.

Ciao

4 comments:

  1. Personally, I think that Reba McEntire is always going to be on my A list. But I'm a sucker for women who can make me cry playing Nellie Forbush.

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  2. No offense Htom but......Huh? LOL

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  3. You're not an obsessive American musical theatre fan, at a guess? Lt. Nellie Forbush is the lead character in the Rogers & Hammerstein musical "South Pacific". There's a dvd of her singing the role en concert opposite Brian Stokes Mitchell that's just tremendous. One of the best musical performances I've ever seen. (South Pacific: In Concert From Carnegie Hall)

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  4. This is priceless:
    "Really? You get secret service guys posted around you even though you haven't ran the country for 15 years? Seriously....you'd have to be a pretty hardcore Republican to still be pissed with Bill after all these years.

    Then as I pushed my twin towers of bread, I ran some numbers using skid math, trying to figure out how much the American tax payers were doling out annually to protect Carter, Clinton and the Bush tandem each day."

    And in another fifteen years we will be saying the same thing about the O-dude and a couple of other has-been Presidents. Man, I miss the Kennedy's. Bet they wish we had the same army of SS operatives back then.

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