Friday, August 5, 2011

Klecko Misses Out on Jersey Shore

I've stated it on several occasions that my definition of church is simple.

For Klecko, church is about quiet time with Christ, but don't forget, Klecko typically spends his silence in areas where there are bright lights and televisions on.

For the last couple of years AMC has broadcast 3 Stooges episodes from 5 a.m to 9 a.m. every Sunday morning.

During that time frame I simply stretch out on the couch and lay in the midst of a pile with 4 dogs.

Without a doubt this is my holiest part of my week. This is the only 4 hour window I have where I won't be getting a call from a current baking account, or a potentential account.

Disgruntled chefs, angry family member, people wanting my money......for whatever reason, they leave me alone early on the Sabbath.

It doesn't matter how many times I watch the Stooges antics, they always seem to make me laugh.....out loud, and that isn't easy to do.

So about a year ago, on one such Sunday morning, I'm guessing it's 7ish, cell phone goes off.

Dude.....I was pissed, who on earth could be so heathen to disrupt my holy haj?

Well I picked up the phone, and a woman on the other line asks.......

"Klecko, what are you doing?"

I found that the timing of this question was bizzare, and I wanted to give her a smart a** answer, but I was kinda tripped out because I knew, that I knew this voice.

I knew that I knew it well, but I couldn't put a face to it. And you know how when it's early, and your mind is still somewhat befuddled every thing moves so fast, for instance....

When she started the conversation, she asked what I was doing, but yet she didn't say Hello, what's up with that.Was she going to attack your favorite baker on God's day of rest?

I talk to people fairly often who know me, but I on the other hand don't have a clue as to who they are. it's not an ego thing at all though, usually these people just have better recall than me,my mind is fried and I guess if I wanted to justify it....I could use a Pollack excuse....

"If you don't sleep with me, or feed me, I have no reason to remember them."

I'll tell ya, that's one part of my life I wish I had more control over, but don't you think that the mind is like a warehouse, and eventually your space gets filled with cardboard boxes of thoughts, and your mind doesnt always have room for new stuff.

So yeah....she says "Klecko what are you doing?"

I pause, I don't bait her with a question that might reveal her identity, instead I simply answer truthfully...

"I'm watching the 3 Stooges with my dogs."

Pause.....Pause.......and more silence.

Finally the woman informs me......

You're supposed to be in Atlantic City, your presentation starts in an hour.

An instant tidal wave of panic came crashing down on my skull.

If you know just 1 thing about Klecko....its that God sets his clock by Klecko time, and why shouldn't he. I am always the first to arrive and the last to leave. You can make an appointment with me 7 months prior and you won'y need to send me a reminder call.

This gaff was unprecedented, In a fleeting moment I had become that thoughtless twit that I have looked at skeptically my whole life.

I got nothing against stupidity, in fact...if you pay attention, you'll find at times i'll adopt it as a life style, but there is never an excuse for being tardy.

The part that made this whole thing even sicker is that the woman who was calling me never really liked me in the first place. I don't think she hated me, but it was kinda like on Seinfeld, you know, the relationship between Jerry and Newman, that was us, we could coexsist if we had too, but neither one of us really wanted to.

The only thing worse than breaking a Lou Gerhig type streak of puntuality, is doing it in Fenway.Letting your opponants cheer as you spin down the drain is so humiliating, and even I have never wished shame on my advisarys.

This woman (who is the President of one of the major baking affiliations was going to roll in this pleassure like dogs roll on invisible smells in the back yard on warm summer days.

I digress again......

"Your supposed to be in Atlantic City, your presentation starts in an hour."

The only thing worse than being wrong, is trying to cover your shame with a costume of excuse.

I was wrong, and I was beaten, so what else could I say other than......

"I think I might be a few minutes late."

She hung up.

I learned a lot from that incident.



  1. Ugh, nightmare scenario ...

    I once missed a day-long conference I was supposed to cover, and that was my sole means of sustenance ... just didn't look at my calendar that day.

    Outcome: now I look at my calendar every 5 minutes.

  2. I needed to read something like this tonight.

  3. Mike, all greats get one free pass, and Andrew....Klecko is kinda like a late night DJ spinning sounds to get lonely hearts through the night.

  4. You know that empathy I was looking for? I found it, right here. Been there, done that, and it's no fun. Knowing you, though, you made it right. :)