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Sunday, August 21, 2011

Manna / Food for the Angels (Recipe Included)

Christians and Jews alike, celebrate the hope of one day having an opportunity to go to a place where God will reveal God's culinary musings, musings like the manna which was cast down from heaven.

If you skipped Sunday school or are an atheist and are not hip to the story, might I share it with you a story with my pledge that at the end of this post nobody will try to convert you, or ask you for money?

I certainly am no theologian, but let me do my best to create at least a comic book like explanation of the event while they occurred.

Moses was an interesting dude, many scholars think he lived to 120 years of age. Professor like people usually break his life into 3 - 40 year segments.

Most of you know about the 1st and last......

The first 40 years he lived in the house of Pharaoh, and battled against a brother (played by Yul Brynner - LOL) for the throne, but Moses somehow found out that he was actually a Jew and freaked out against Egypt and murdered a guard.

The last 40 years he led the people across the sand dunes looking for the promise land.

But the middle 3rd, what was he doing.....do you know?

He actually lived as a Sheppard amongst the Kenites. These people were deemed uncivil, uncouth, but Moses had to stay with them because there was a bounty on him.

Anyways.....I digress.

During the 3rd stint, the exodus, Moses felt a great burden upon his soul. He wondered how he could lead a nation throughout the wilderness w/o any food.

That's when God stepped in and said.........

"Moses, why do you doubt me? I have this awesome bread called manna. The angels eat it every day and its the bomb. I will send some down to our Hebrew nation and they will be sustained by the best bread ever.

But....they are not allowed to hoard it, or sell it off of food trucks or farmers markets. They are only to take enough for themselves. If they try to tuck a stash away, I will fill it with maggots and triple their carbs."

Now I don't know if you guys have ever noticed, but I never assign a gender to God. I am not certain God is a man as mentioned by biblical writers. In my life I have found women to be much smarter, and they typically practice compassion and mercy far more often.

But-But-But.....I've made one observation that nullifies my logic and almost proves with complete certainty that God is a man.

Have you ever noticed before God gives a gift to the Jews, Gentiles or the rest of the world that there is always-always-always a condition attached to it?

That is so guy like.

A woman would never do that. She would simply say ..........

"Here's salvation, if you want some help yourself, I am off to yoga."

And there it would be, like a platter of crackers and cheese, if you are hungry you'd take it, if not.......

3-2-1......and their off.

The Jews age heading over here, going over their, and each day as the dew left the soil "BANG" their it was.......manna.

The part that makes me like the Israelites as much as I do is they are so much like you and I.

Think about it. for years they were humping pyramid stones up large sand hills, getting crushed, getting hernia's from all the heavy lifting.

If they were having an off day or lost focus, some Vincent Price looking dude would come by and whip you, then have his way with your life partner.

But God offers an escape route, God tells you to believe, and everybody gets as excited as 2 weeks before an Obama election.

But after the 3rd or 4th week of freedom, the peeps learned that they were going to have to pitch in, and you know what? They whined because contributing faith just isn't sexy.

I swear to the Polish trinity that I don't get this. If you offered me a route to paradise and provided me the #2 lunch plate from Golden Chow Mei each and every day.....I would be set for eternity.

Remember that Charlie Daniels song "The Devil Went Down To Georgia"?

It's where the hillbilly gets into a fiddle contest with the devil for cash prizes and hot chicks?

I would never bet my soul. I would never even take it out of its box unless I needed to lend it to Sue McGleno.

But thats another post in itself, because just like Beaver cleaver, you know she's return it with a dent or....nevermind.

But instead of dueling againt the Prince of Darkness, I would respectfully like to have a manna bakeoff against God.

I got the idea a couple weeks ago after making the greatest loaf of bread that I have ever tasted in my personal or professional career.

All bull**** aside, this loaf is epic (at least within my palates alignment) and I hope you like it.

Feel free to make variations or add your own twist to it.........

KLECKO'S MANNA

2 PACKS OF DRY ACTIVE YEAST
1 CUP of HARP BEER
1/2 CUP WATER
2 1/2 WHOLE WHEAT FLOUR
2 CUP ALL PURPOSE FLOUR
* 3/4 CUP BRICK STARTER
1 TABLESPOON VINEGAR
1 TABLESPOON SALT
1 TABLESPOON CARAWAY POWDER
1 HANDFUL OF POTATO FLOUR (FOR DUSTING)

* If you are going to make hearty-authentic bread that will satisfy nuns and monks alike....you have to have a brick starter. It adds density and prolongs "natural shelf life" by having the potatoes hold in the moisture.

I have blogged about this technology, so look in the back longs or just Facebook "Danny Klecko" and he will talk you through. Starters are wicked EZ, but people freak out over them.

There is no need for it.

1 1/2 cup water
1 3/4 cup bread flour
1 3/4 cup rye
2 cups potato (or potato flakes)

INSTRUCTIONS -

Dissolve the yeast into the beer/water until foamy for about 5 minutes. Next, toss in your starter and dry ingredients and mix into a pliable ball, this ball should be firm (hence brick) but contain some moistness, basically it should feel like heavy Play Doh.

When the dough is mixed, toss it into an oiled container and let it double in size. Most people will punch and let it rise a 2nd time (creating additional fermentation) but Klecko subscribes to single rise strategies.

After your loaves are formed,take some egg wash / egg whites and paint the outside of the loaf, then roll it in potato flour. This isn't essential, but this accessory has the same kind of swag as a Gucci belt.

The potato flour pairs great with the beer / liquid content, and if thats not enough....it also traps the moisture in.

I like to shape 20 ounce batards (mini footballs)for this style of dough. It will give you the perfect balance between crumbwall and interior.

It rocks.

Good luck with this.....and BTW, on a pimp note, you if go to the bottom of my blogsite, I now have a slot to pop in your E-Mail so Klecko can come directly to you.....or even better, your I-Phone (or any smart phone for that matter)

Bake well kids, and try to do better than the Israelites of old and be thankful for every loaf you have.






4 comments:

  1. I giggled at the tripling of the carbs. I laughed at the "I'm off to yoga, there's some cheese and crackers," bit and I laughed so hard that I spilled my pasta all over my sofa at this one:
    "If they were having an off day or lost focus, some Vincent Price looking dude would come by and whip you, then have his way with your life partner."

    Oh, Klecko, you made my day, and now I just wish you would make my bread.

    hugs from Brussels--

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  2. Maybe you will have your Manna bake off with God you might have to wait for the opportunity. :-)

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  3. Does it have to be Harp beer? Would Bass work? ;-)
    I hope someday to be able at attempt this - there is so much bread wisdom up in here - I will have to work to decipher it. Wish me luck...

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  4. Bass would be great White. I like "thin" Pilsner flavors, but whatever brew you like will work. If you make this recipe, tell me how it turns out.

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